Monday, October 1, 2018

Pirate Law Rule 4

Here is the Rule 4 of Pirate Law:




  1. If circumstances demand a career change, a move into real estate brokerage or tax collection shall be considered a lateral move and said individual may keep their pirate status. 
  2. A pirate does not snuggle with an animal unless he is trying to snap its neck. But I guess that wouldn't really be "snuggling". 
  3. A pirate may never wear another man's clothing unless he first kills that man. 
  4. Two pirates must never share a bed or a hammock. It is perfectly acceptable for one pirate to sleep on the floor, or on a pile of treasure. 
  5. Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monacle. Any comments about "Mr. Peanut" while wearing the monocle are prohibited. 
  6. When setting out on a voyage, a pirate does not pack a suitcase. He is only to bring what he can carry under his arms, or what his wench can carry on her back. 
  7. A pirate does not mow the lawn. Lawns are for landlubbers. 
  8. Lifting or removing one's eyepatch is extremely impolite but is not considered an insult. It's just kinda gross. Likewise, one should never remove another pirate's eyepatch, except with a sword to the face. 
  9. Pirates never use the words "fresh" or "feelings," and certainly not together (as in "I have that not-so-fresh feeling"). 
  10. A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn't been searching hard enough. 

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